Gilbert and Prussia
by ghibli22
Summary: Everyone knows that Gilbert is awesome. At least thats what he tells everyone, so they had better know by now. Various short stories about Gilbert based on the comic series Calvin and Hobbs. Some regular, some AU, all slices of the awesome Gilbert's life.
1. Denial

**Denial**

_Gilbert the explorer sets out into the unknown jungle. Accompanied by his trusty pet bird, uhh… _pterodactyl_ he searches for the super-special-hidden stone of knowledge. It is said that this stone will grant all the knowledge in the world to the one who owns it, eliminating all need for school, and homework, and teachers and all that other crap._

_ The search for the super-special-hidden stone of knowledge seemed to be going well when suddenly… when suddenly… an alien spaceship leaps out of nowhere and scoops Gilbert up! The aliens have decided to remove his brain and use it to teach young alien children about the humans. What will our brave hero do! Luckily Gilbert has his blaster-thing that shoots out weird strings of radioactive goop and he-_

"Gilbert!"

Gilbert snaps to attention as a ruler smacks against his desk. The cause of this, of course is the ever-attentive (and ever feminine-looking) Mr. Yao. Holding a textbook against his chest he glares down at Gilbert like a hawk eyeing a mouse. That is, a very grumpy hawk who just caught the mouse daydreaming in class.

"Yes, Mr. Yao?" Gilbert asks in his most innocent voice.

"How many times have I told you that this is class-time and not stare-out-a-window-for-six-hours, aru? Now we're learning geography so answer the question! What state do you live in?"

Gilbert smirks and rests his head in one of his hands. He lives for moments like these.

"Denial."

For a moment they stare at each other, brown eyes meeting subtle red until Mr. Yao shakes his head and walks back to the front of the room, "I need a vacation, aru…"

Sighing with content Gilbert leans back in his chair and closes his eyes. Another day, another disruptive success.


	2. Sleeping Habits

How to Sleep

"Hey, guys!"

Gilbert flips on the light of the cheap motel room the bad friends trio had rented for the night. Francis groans in protest but sits up anyway, rubbing his eyes to clear his vision, "What could you possibly want at this hour, Gilbert?"

"I. Can't. Sleep!"

Francis stares blankly at him, "And?"

Plopping down on the bed he had won to himself (by talent of epic proportions at rock, paper, scissors) Gilbert drapes an arm dramatically over his head, "Oh, woeful am I! All my nights shall be spent without rest if the Gilbird is not by my side!"

Raising an eyebrow, the Frenchman leans forward, "The Gilbird?"

"Yeah, that's her name."

"…Her?"

"Shut up! The point is that I can't sleep without the Gilbird. I listen to her breathing and then," he snaps his fingers, "I'm out like that. Oh, woe is me!"

Francis sighs then gestures to the figure sleeping next to him, "Well, _mon ami_, you could always listen to Antonio snoring."

Gilbert stares at Francis for a long second before craning his neck to get a better look at the Spaniard. Looking back to Francis he points at their friend, "That noise is _Antonio_?"

"Yep."

Gilbert stares some more then bursts out into manic laughter, "I-I-I can't believe it!" he manages between breaths, "I thought that was trucks _downshifting_ on the highway!"

Shaking his head Francis slides back under the covers, pulling the blankets over his head, "Gilbert, hit the lights and try to get some sleep, _d'accord_? I think your sanity as well as mine demands it."

Still giggling Gilberts does as he's told (for once in his life) and slides under the covers himself. Antonio snores again eliciting another bout of laughter from the albino. Francis squeezed his eyes shut. It looked like Antonio would be the only one actually sleeping that night.

_Not my fav, but I couldn't resist the thought of Antonio being the most obnoxious snorer ever :3_


	3. The Ups and Downs of Gravity

**The Ups and Downs of Gravity**

Ludwig looks up from his paper as Gilbert rolls by, "You're going to ruin the floor is you keep doing that."

"Pfft. No I'm not. We've got tile."

"Not exactly the point."

Gilbert shrugs and rolls backwards across the floor. Ludwig should have never gotten him those roller skates for Christmas, "Anyways, I've been thinking a lot about gravity lately."

Ludwig folds his paper and sets it on the table, "Gravity?"

"Yep. Did you know," he stands up on one leg and spins a bit, "gravity can deflect light? Planets have such a large mass that light is just drawn toward them. Pretty cool, don't 'cha think?"

"Yes, yes, very interesting. Does any of this have a point?"

"Yeah, of course this has a point. What do you take me for, West?"

Rolling backwards again he heads toward the front door, "Gravity sucks. It just made me drop a pitcher of lemonade in the living room."

Ludwig stares in disbelief at the retreating form of his brother. Placing a hand to his head he goes to the broom closet and grabs the mop, "Gilbert!"

* * *

_Poor Ludwig... having to deal with a brother like Gilbert X3_


End file.
